People keep exhorting me to "fill my cup." I laugh with a friend: "Fill my cup? Where IS my cup? What am I supposed to put in it, again?" It's under the couch, we joke, full of Duplo and dust.
I think of my daughter, now two, banging HER cup on the table and chanting "Milk, milk, MILK." She knows what she likes, we've always said. And she's not afraid to tell you all about it.
Things I worried about before becoming a solo parent: not having any time to myself, managing to shovel snow with a newborn in tow, being able to knit while she napped.
Things I didn't consider: the possibility of a pandemic, that it was possible I wouldn't be alone for 51 weeks entire, how it would feel to somehow forget what I like, because every spare minute and dollar and thought seems to go toward the practicalities of everyday life: she needs new pyjamas, will last winter's boots still fit, what's for dinner, are we out of bananas, somehow, again?
What fills my cup? Making things. Time with friends. Time alone. Time to write. (Time – never enough!) That's my project, then, this year. Somehow finding time for those things in between the work deadlines and the endless snacks and the lost socks, the Duplos and the dust.
I have missed your voice ever since leaving Instagram! Looking forward to hearing more musings. The pandemic has changed everything, I hope you are able to get some time for you eventually.
ReplyDeleteTime is just so different when you have other humans depending on you! And it is so hard when they're little and you're in the thick of it - it feels like there will never be any mental space (or time) ever again. But like with everything else, of course, time wanders on. Oh, life! (Time Wanders On is a song I recently discovered and love!)
ReplyDeleteHello, fellow solo parent! Most of the time, I feel like not having a second adult around is a big relief. But it would sure be nice to be able to opt out of having 100% of the responsibilities from time to time. It can be hard to "fill your cup" when the bits of me time you scavenge feel more like dissociating from all the things you "should" be doing. My girls are older (six and almost-nine), and it does get less intense, at least!
ReplyDeleteAusten, all those things fill my cup, too. Wishing more and more of them for you. And time! Yes. So glad to be here with you.
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